Under Construction
While these delectable tasties may not be available on our current menu, we want to share them with you anyway. Take it or leave it, but, please, take, take! (Also, please do not order these items at the restaurant unless they are on the menu.)
The following recipes are included here in no particular order rather than grouped by silly arbitrary categories. None should dictate whether a culinary treat is dessert or dinner, or breakfast, or a well-deserved snack. Prepare what you want to eat when you want to eat it, and conventions be damned!
Margarita Gazeuse
Don’t let the French word in the title of this refreshing cocktail fool you, because there’s nothing French about it (unless you decide to use a French orange liqueur).
Perfect Moment: adults at a young child’s birthday party, summer afternoons, winter afternoons, anytime, really, could replace coffee in the morning if you want, we’re not judging around here.
Ginebra al Doctor
Don’t let the Spanish in the title of this refreshing cocktail fool you, because there’s nothing particularly Spanish about it.
Perfect Moment: preparing for a consequential interview, decompressing after a taxing ride to the airport, hunkering down to read the manual that came with your new pressure cooker.
Shiitake Spinach Phyllo Folds
Don’t let the Japanese or Greek words in the title of this tastebud-tingling treat fool you, because there’s nothing particularly Japanese or Greek about it (excepting, of course, the type of mushroom, the store-bought frozen dough, some seasonings and accoutrements, methods, etc.).
Perfect Moment: Server just delivered it on a plate small enough so you can eat one and then replace the others like nothing happened before your awkward date or meeting partner or whatever this is gets back from the toillettes; trying to impress colleagues.
Herbed Yams au Gratin
Sweet potatoes, yams: does it matter? Not here it doesn’t. And this dish doesn’t have toasty marshmallows on top (unless that’s what you really want).
Perfect Moment: recovering from awkward holiday conversations, instances of total existential confusion, breakfast.
Crinzotto
Definitely no cringe here, despite the name. “C” is for “see how many herbs we got up in here,” “R” is for the main ingredient–rice, and… Well, you have to make and eat it to really understand, so hands up!
Perfect Moment: hungry, hangry, you got plenty of time (doesn’t really take that much time), you’re a loser with too much time on your hands (doesn’t really take that much time).
Fun with Ground Turkey
Along with potatoes, ground turkey is right at the bottom of the list of ingredients appropriate in fine dining. But why must it be this way? Work out your potato anxieties elsewhere and focus here on how the introduction of cabbage to ground turkey might change your general worldview. (NO there are NO potatoes in this recipe.)
Perfect Moment: the introduction of a strange and interesting white wine, fears regarding one’s general health, inability to make crepes.
Graduate School Ramen (St. Louis Style, Supreme)
Nothing says “graduate school” like just-add-boiling-water ramen, and this recipe goes all the extra steps to accoutre the standard brothy bowl of noodles with whatever else happens to be in the graduate student’s kitchen. Why “St. Louis Style”? We ask you: Why not?
Perfect Moment: ten PBRs deep and ready to watch a documentary about the Burning Man festival at three in the morning.
Green Tea Habanero Chocolate Espresso Yuzu Truffle Crème Brûlée
Please don’t pretend that you’ve ever had a crème brûlée so delicately and complexly prepared. The abundance of contrasting dominant and submissive flavors in this mouthful leaves nothing to the imagination. You will need a glass of water.
Perfect Moment: breakfast, moment of trying to impress the family of a new romantic partner at a holiday gathering, sad afternoon.
Fuck-You Chicken
Like chicken? Like it a lot? Weeeell, fuck you. This elite recipe for grilled chicken doesn’t have any chicken in it at all.
So what’s in it? Fuck you. Read the recipe if you want, you chicken-loving turdalor.
Perfect Moment: realizing that chicken is pretty good, assembling a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle only to find that a few pieces are missing, creating a new profile on a streaming media account.
Almost Mom’s Pot Roast
Remember when maman used to make that pot roast? This is like that. Well, not exactly like it, but, you know…
With a single large cast iron instrument, create a savory and hearty meal that can be served as a stew or plated with gravy.
Perfect Moment: Tipsily reading an English translation of An Béal Bocht at three in the morning while back from graduate school for the holiday break, there is a ludicrously excellent deal on large cuts of beef at the supermarket.
Tati's Wine and Spirits 