Our premise is multi-storied. Read some of them here.
These are stories. Stories, not like how the restaurant is at the ground story of a loft complex that is five–or is it six–stories high. That depends on how you like to do your story-counting, and there’s no need to get into all of that here, though there’s also the question about what kind of basement or sub-ground-level situations there may be, and that, too, is debatable. No, these are stories. Well, at least, they are narratives, and that should suffice.
How to Attack the Testimony
[The instructions that follow may or may not mean anything in the long run. It really just depends.]
The Chef recommends that the stories are consumed according to the the following organization. This is the suggested, prix-fixe method of attacking our testimony. Left to right, down, and then left to right again. The Chef doesn’t believe you need numbers. If you’re sane enough to follow the chef’s recommendation, just click on the “Prix-Fixe” button at the end of each story and you’ll head right to the next delectable course.
We recognize that there is nothing stopping you from just going and doing it your way, so we have tagged the stories with thematic elements that you can use to explore methods of attacking our testimony using your own, non-Chef, faculties.
Note also that each story page has links at the bottom that seem like they would take you to the previous and next stories, but do not be deceived. We haven’t figured out how to remove these prompts and are not amused by their illogical destinations.
It is strongly recommended that you begin with “Artesian Wines on the Premise,” but, hey, no one is forcing you.
Each exhibit of testimony is immediately followed by an actual, relevant quote from our sommelier.
If you are deeply committed to chronology, such an ordering of testimony is available though not recommended by the chef.
However you decide to attack it, we provide our testimony.
Artesian Wines on the Premise
On his last shift, Jux establishes his legacy.
What the Sommelier Said
Jux arrives to the restaurant to see about a dishwashing job and receives a warning from the sommelier.
The Deuce
Almo insists to a skeptical staff that he’s not taking too many shits.
The Bucket of Knives
Jux attempts to overcome his intimidation by the kitchen knives.
The Day before Mother’s Day Brunch
Throughout a prep shift, Jux faces antagonism from all around, even when he’s the only person at the restaurant.
High Chair
On a hectic Friday evening, Max swears that there’s a baby crying somewhere in the dining room.
What’s Underground
The back of the house deals with a chronically overflowing drain.
The Empty Space
When the restaurant’s parking lot is inexplicably full one evening, an unexpected incident inconveniences the staff.
The Locked Door that Nobody Could Explain
Abuse confronts a mysterious door at the restaurant’s loading dock.
Mix O’ Potatoes
On a slow night, suspicion and revelation in the house, front and back.
Forbidden Maths
When a leaking prep sink faucet gets serious, the back of the house conducts arcane calculus in preparation to persuade the owner to take action.
Praying Mantis
After a praying mantis is found in a package of salad greens, Abuse and Jux reluctantly undertake a toxic task.
Check Engine
Packie’s dedication to satisfying his customers’ every needs draws him into a potentially life-changing situation.
The Server Who Wouldn’t Leave
Danny investigates the mysteries surrounding Jered and his knitted cap.
Patience Zero
As Swine Flu rages through the community, the staff respond with fear and suspicion.
The Appendix to the Third Certificate
Jux plays a humiliating game with Max and, in the process, unearths a confounding mystery.
Grab a Turd
When a new lead line cook is suspected of problematic behavior, the staff decides to take unconventional measures.
The Persistence of Magic
After a security incident in the back of the house on the Night of the Autumnal Equinox, Abuse sets out to find answers.
The Downsides of Power-Leveling
The back of the house checks out a new cellphone app that is taking the service industry by storm.
Wall Banging
Tati accosts the day crew about lemon tarts.
New Menu
After revised menus are delivered, the staff try to deal with it.
Sphere of Influence
Junior drives Jux to a bank to get an affidavit notarized. What affidavit? Correct.
Mother’s Day Brunch
Goat Ballls and shenanigans are on the menu at a particularly harrowing Mother’s Day brunch.
Is there Another Kitchen
A deep clean reveals much, much more than anyone on the staff was hoping for.
Finished??!?!!
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There are buckets and buckets of knives, maybe.
Tati's Wine and Spirits 