Brian Tati, Owner

In addition to his industry success with the restaurant, Brian Tati is a prominent realtor and leader in the downtown cultural scene. Inspired by his French last name and a couple of trips he’d taken to France, Tati opened the restaurant with a commitment to provide the community with premium wines and artesian cheeses in a refined, swanky space. Tati likes closing down the restaurant to hold private Oscar Night parties, farkle, and talking about how he’s going to start taking the staff out to race go-carts or play mini golf to support teambuilding. Tati was lauded as “Downtown’s Niche Provisioner of the Year” a decade ago.

Kieran O., Sommelier and Fromager

Kieran is the sommelier and head bartender. With over twenty-five years of experience and several impressive professional certifications and recognitions, Tati’s house expert in wine, spirits, cheese, and all things EPICureal is almost always on hand to provide tasting and pairing suggestions as well as deep knowledge about the restaurant’s place in the downtown scene. Kieran likes reality television, being plastic-wrapped naked to stone pillars by groups of men, and guns. If he doesn’t know about something, he is baffled that the topic was even spoken of in the first place.

“Wickenburg” Jessup, Executive Chef Emeritus

“Wickenburg” Jessup was executive chef at Tati’s until the end of last year. Many of his precious recipes continue to be staples of the menu, including citrus-ale-marinated pulled porkbutt and ancho chile empanadas and ancho chile chocolate ganache. Chef Jessup liked ancho chile powder, testing the creative and practical limits of leftovers, and the bands Slipknot and Phunk Junkeez. He is now considered Chef Emeritus and lives upstate crafting artesian ice cream under the revealed stars.

Junior, One-K, Executive Chef

Hailing from Southern California, Chef Junior brings an eclectic flair to Tati’s menu as he continually reimagines the menu for various special events. Recent additions (availability limited; see current menu) include fat chunks of raw, red-dyed tuna tossed with soy sauce and sesame seeds and steak tartare. Chef Junior likes flowing fountains of nacho cheese product when he hosts friends to watch matches of professional American football, video games that permit him to shoot without consequence, and burritos containing french fries. In a recent interview with local university radio, he refused to comment about his reaction to the state of the restaurant when he was hired on to lead the kitchen.

T. Teatree

Teatree is the lieutenant bartender at Tati’s, a position he has enjoyed for almost five years. Neat and appropriately medicated, he whips up the cocktails and chats up the guests with naively nonjudgmental expressions of affirmation. Teatree likes Hawaii, Best of Bowie on CD, and macs and cheese customized with du jour proteins and garnishes. Don’t worry; he’ll treat you with respect even if you’re nobody, because everybody is nobody but him.

Packie R.

Packie is Tati’s self-assigned lead server and a six-year veteran of the industry, more than half of which time he has pondered enrolling in x-ray technician training but only recently actually pulled that trigger. While sometimes acting as house manager and taking few tables, he maintains a consistently-supreme gratuity rating hovering around twenty-four percent. Packie likes thinking about optimal restroom designs, pretending to be the owner’s real estate protégé, and bread plates. He is taller than everyone else, yet his aggressive pomposity is rooted in a deep, self-hating self-consciousness.

Max D.

Max has been a server at Tati’s for almost three years now as he has pursued a bachelor’s degree in sports business at the state university. His gratuity rating is above average because, he claims, “the guests just get me.” Max likes crisp baseball snapbacks, boasting about using his trust fund to get cash discounts on new cars he’ll soon crash, and remembering where his pen is. He always looks, the fool, and sometimes he suffers from fits of paranoia and hallucination.

Crystal G.

Crystal has been a server at Tati’s for almost five years. Having recently graduated with a bachelor’s degree in art photography, she is now working on a certification in accounting. She consistently lands in the gratuity rating top three, which reflects, she claims, “the fact that I’m awesome.” Crystal likes marketing her artisan handmade soap, dipping wedges of buttery grilled cheese sandwiches into warm housemade tomato and basil bisque, and kayaking. She operates coolly but powerfully, providing wise, wry criticism only when necessary.

Lyle G.

Deeply committed to the sober art of delivering quality wine to the under-appreciative, Lyle is Tati’s most veteran server and the only original member of the restaurant crew excepting the sommelier and the owner. He likes getting absolutely shitfaced on winery tours, banging on hotel doors and crying loudly about his boring blond girlfriend of fifteen years, and unsalted mini-pretzels. Kitchen jokes at the expense of unknowing patrons in the dining area hit him thuddingly and he recovers like a dog troubled by a quick spray of water from a sprinkler. He may be humorless, punctilious, and square, but he is well-liked by the front and back of the house because he never fails to get product into mouths.

Juxta P.

Juxta, who goes by “Jux,” is Tati’s resident academic… literally. An adjunct professor of English working part-time in the back of the house, he specializes in curing shrimp in citric acid for ceviche and preparing torn rustic pasta from scratch. While his months on the kitchen payroll represent his only experience in the industry, he sometimes works the line instead of attending to the dishpit. Jux likes Lord Byron (the poetry and the man), writing, and composing electronic music. He almost always burns the crostini, and now he’s got a goddamned website to worry about, too.

J. T. Abuse

Jedediah Abuse has worked the kitchen at Tati’s for several years, running shotgun at sauté on busy nights and otherwise managing the daily transition from day to evening sets. He knows exactly how much coarse ground black pepper to include in a double batch of bleu. Abuse likes toys, collecting obscure horror films on DVD, and drawing on found cardboard scraps with black permanent marker. He has difficulty distinguishing between the green basil oil and the red chili oil when they are next to each other in similar transparent plastic squeeze bottles.

Danny C.

Danny has been an evening and weekend addition to the kitchen staff for more than two years now. The finesse with which he builds salads to height is renowned, and his crostini are always topped with the correct amount of visual paprika. Danny likes playing with weapons he thinks are unloaded, selling various wares of questionable origin that he happens to have in the trunk of his car, and E-40. He says you should fuck off if you think he’s just a bunch of stereotypes because he is a real-ass person.

Concepción D.

Concepción is a Tati’s veteran, now in her seventh year as the binding tie of the lunch service and an expert in the art of salad-making. Having never missed a shift and always finished her duties, she is so implicitly trusted that she hardly ever has to speak. Concepción likes El Zorro, la espada y la rosa, cycling along the canal paths, and experimenting with vegetarian recipes. She does not like horchata, but she knows how to make it.

Almo B.

For nine of the restaurant’s ten years in operation, Almo has led the line in one way or another almost every day. Though he is not considered a chef, many of his untraditional methods have deeply influenced the workings of the kitchen. Almo likes charging his iPod Nano, garlic-free food processors, and groups of children singing folk songs in Golden-Age Mexican cinema. Despite claims to the contrary, he would have you know that the drains are clogged because of tree roots getting into the pipes and not corn silk.

Lorenzo G.

Lorenzo has been with the restaurant for three years, backing up the lunch crew and keeping the dishpit clear. He makes the vegetarian lasagna. Lorenzo likes video games in the action RPG genre, filling up external hard drives with pirated content, and narcocorridos. He is the best at flipping the pizza dough.

Ogre

A reliable handyman, Ogre has worked on-and-off at Tati’s in support of the kitchen for almost fifteen months. His grounded personality balances observation with suggestion. Ogre likes yoga, making fun of blustery descriptions printed on bottles of craft whiskey, and a well-crafted (“bomb-ass”) potato salad. His kitchen credentials may be few but he always delivers.

Juniper M.

With some admittedly limited restaurant experience on both sides of the house, Juniper can whip up expertly-crafted cocktails at the bar and hard-sear quality meats in the kitchen. She listens to the same soft-rock live album on repeat during lonely prep shifts and has a crush on Van Heusen, who is apparently capable of nothing more than greeting patrons and sometimes leading them to a table.

Filippo M.

Filippo likes boating on desert lakes, beef jerky, and reacting to pictures where people are hilariously exposed to risk. In his few months at Tati’s he has primarily operated the dishpit, but he has aspirations to someday revolutionize the art of salad-piling.

“Tall” James P.

With eight years of industry experience, “Tall” James does his best to keep a job despite a tendency to chug the cooking wine. He likes Dire Straits, slicing thin strips from the middle of flatbreads to eat, and the Miami Heat. His new smartphone has a shit-ton of apps on it, but he probably has already been let go so who knows how long he’ll still be able to play with them.

Billiam Buford Buckingham, IV

Young Buckingham, called “Boof” around the restaurant, is in his second year studying both chemistry and pre-law at university. Cocky, unassuming, and extremely nerdy, Boof is the functional go-between, expediting the delivery of hot, artesianal food by coordinating with both the front and back of the house. Boof likes The Who, medieval weaponry and torture devices, and arguing about Bertrand Russel. Contrary to popular belief, he has never directly assisted in the preparation of a meal in his life.

Duke

Just ten years ago, at the age of fourteen, Duke worked his first shift as a line cook. Since then, he has gained experience working at seventeen industry establishments, the collective wisdom garnered from which he now bestows upon the kitchen as a highly-skilled auxiliary chef. Duke likes Eminem, money, and preparing the beurre blanc à la minute. His silver neck chain (not depicted) is real.